i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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