IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
