I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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