i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
