Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am one with the molecules
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
