i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
bring money and cleavage
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
