I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
