hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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