First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize