my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
