I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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