You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
