it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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