thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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