explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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