I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
