its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
