So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and she was petting her beer can
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
