Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
