This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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