so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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