Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
