you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
