OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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