Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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