I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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