Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My vagina just clenched in fear
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
