after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
