Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
