my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
