I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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