I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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