My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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