I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize