hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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