I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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