had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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