Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
