Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
