so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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