We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
