I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
