hotel room ftw
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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