I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
