Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
