heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
