i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
