all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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