he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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