I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
