Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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