Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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