She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
