In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
