No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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