did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
